Grounded

It was ging to be a small posting tonight. Like usual, it didn't turn out that way. The tail lights work now, and my distance grows.

Tail Lighting
Well, I haven't really been able to get to the bus in the past week, but I did correct the ground issue in the right tail light yesterday. These old buses are funny sometimes. I removed the ground wire from its post on the rear pillar adjacent to the rear hatch door, wiped the post with my fingers and pushed the wire back on the post. Bing! The directionals work again. Funny. Otherwise, I have cleaned up and swept out the area where the bus used to live next to the garage, and I've re-covered the bus to keep the damp out. Next weekend, if I get to work at all, will include swapping engine harnesses (I think I found the bad wire).


Life Bottoms
I've mentioed my separation from my project bus, and this has been an unusual perspective on everything that is going on. I'm temporarily living in SE PDX (Brooklyn neighborhood for my fellow Puddletown dwellers) while my 2 boys remain in Lake Oswego with their mother. As part of an agreement with their mother, I took clothing and am crashing at my folks' place. Humbling would be the best word for it. My eventual residence is uncertain, but it won't be in that house again. The highlights of my week now, as before this change, are centered on my time with the two of them.

This blog was dedicated to the bus, not my relationship with my boys, so I haven't really articulated their importance here. They know they are first with me, though, and they know I would prefer to be with them rather than anything. Since my last post, I made the change in where I lay my head to sleep, though my heart remains with the boys. Oddly enough, while writing this, T forwarded me this chain text (neuvo chain letters), which seems right on point:

if one day u feel like crying... call me.
i don't promise that i will make u laugh but i can cry with u.
if one day u want to run away - don't be afraid to call me.
i don't promise to ask you to stop.... but i can run with u.
if one day u don't want to listen to anyone.... call me.
i promise to be there for u but also promise to remain quiet.
but one day if u call.... and there is no answer.... come fast to see me.
maybe i need u.

I saw the boys 3 times this past week and during the day on Saturday. The weekday visits were a blending of all-business (putting them to bed), school activities (C art night) and fun (Blazer game). I tried to express that most weeks would not be that way, but they won't really get that until they see it. Saturday morning we took the lacrosse sticks and the dog down to Mary S. Young park for some "its not raining!" fun. For a couple of hours, everything felt normal-ish, chasing the dog around the off-leash area and then throwing the ball in a circle. Returning back to the house, and their mother working in her office, brought things back into perspective. I won't see them again until Wednesday, which will be the longest I've ever gone without them. I've found distracting myself with my gym membership somewhat effective, but not terribly satisfying. I expect I'll be trying that tomorrow and Tuesday.

My entries will change to reflect this situation more, and improvements on my bus less. Still, I will document any changes in his condition or improvements in postings, but with my limited access, I doubt much will happen. Instead, I'll be very focused on bridging this situation to whatever the new arrangement will be. There's lots of back-story and what not, and I'll get to that as I do.