Let's See

Not much car content in this one. This is really more of a diary note for my own sake.

Let's See
When approaching a decision about whether to do something or not, most people come at it in one of two ways: we either start with the question of "why not" or the question of "why". Starting with Why can often immediately create a sense of negativity, like, in a snarky tone "why would you do that"? Immediately, you're defending the position, and you hadn't even decided if you're doing to do it or not. Asking "why not" can avoid that defensive knee-jerk, but it can also drum up all kinds of fears and irrational could-almost-never-happen scenarios that push the idea to the curb. Or, it could create a sense of lack of responsibility where you can go ahead and do whatever without any rationalization applied. Neither of those introductory questions bring me to a place where I would actually try the next step.

Maybe for you, dear reader, one of these questions works well. I know, eventually, I have to get into the "how" questions, but I have found that I need to create the mental or emotional space to let an idea rattle around. Boo has introduced me to the simple door opening phrase "Let's See". This creates a supportive basket to find out what the next steps would be and start weighing pro's, con's, costs and risks without the emotional baggage of a "why" or "why not". This is not the same thing as "We'll See", a classic parent response when the kids have figured out that "maybe" means "no, but I don't want to get into it with you about it now". It was using the "Let's See" approach that found us in a rental house 5 years ago that we thought we had no shot in getting because of how many families were looking at it. It was using the "Let's See" approach that led me to buying the house next door to that rental on a handshake at the kitchen table with the owner. So far, so good.

The Year of T
In June of 2017, T returned from University of Nevada, Reno (UNR) after freshman year. His grades weren't good, his interest and focus on school had left him. He decided that he didn't want to go back in the Fall, and would live with me and Boo full time. While I was concerned about his emotions and possibilities for the future, I embraced "Let's See". We got a room set up, helped him get comfortable with some music production equipment (he bought it all, we just made the space) and got out of the way. By November, he was taking classes at Portland Community College (PCC). By March, he had applied to go to the University of Oregon music program. He didn't know if he was going to get in, but after the campus tour and meeting with the music school staff, it almost seemed like a dream that couldn't come true. "Let's See". He got into the university and the school of music. Then came the questions of housing.

And Then It Happened
We were sitting in the den one night that spring; Boo and I were talking about what potential futures could hold, like we do. One of us, I don't remember who, asked whether we could buy a house in Eugene for T to live in (and one day become a potential retirement location since Eugene is a pretty awesome small city with a fantastic music scene). To anyone else, that sounds a little nutty, but we answered with "Let's See". The first step is see what you qualify for. Okay, can that get you something in that real estate market that is livable? It can? So, how about covering the mortgage and making the housing experience more fun if T has some friends live with him. Turns out, T is a pretty amazing guy and has some deep trusting friendships who are on-the-ball types, working on bachelor degrees in Eugene. Hmm.. this might actually work. So, next you find a real estate agent who can vibe your way, and then you make a bunch of trips to the target town. I think we made 6 trips. After a couple of almost-rights, complete with offers, we found a house that will meet everyone's needs, within the price target we and the students can afford. "Let's See" strikes again.

Left Nest
T wanted to get to Eugene well before school started so he could find employment, set up the house and get used to living before school added additional scheduling and restrictions. We rented the smallest UHaul above the cargo van and moved him down over Labor Day weekend. He drove away from our Beaverton home in the recently repaired A4 (Nemo) to start his new life in Eugene Labor Day afternoon.

Asking "why" or "why not" doesn't get you out of a current place into something completely new. They welcome a cerebral journey at best, leaving you exactly where you were, but fatigued from the mental effort. All pain, no gain. Stating "Let's See" invites you to take the first step, see what you can learn, and evaluate whether the next step will teach you more. You're not planning; you're doing. You're not rationalizing the totality of an idea before you've had a chance to test parts of it. "Let's See" creates a way to live life in an Agile way, forging new ideas and trying them out. Naysayers be damned, this approach works. Just ask T the next time you're in Eugene.

That's it for today. I'll get back to the bus/car content here soon.