Fear of Success

Someone once told me that it was a fear of success that prevented us from trying things, not a fear of failure. The theory goes that if you fail, you end up exactly where you are now. Since we already know what "now" feels like, it isn't scary. Quite the opposite, actually, its the comfort of the "now" that keeps us bound within it. When we choose to not apply for that promotion, or try that project it isn't because we are afraid that we will fail to make it. We are afraid of the life-change that comes with it, and it is from that place of fear that we make our choice. This is why so many things are left undone, why so few people actually enter politics and why so few people have started a VW bus TDI transplant.

"Okay", sez you, "assuming this is the straight poop, how did you overcome this fear?". Great question. Honestly, when I started this project I didn't realize how big it was. I bought the engine with a monetary win-fall (paid to stop working at an awful company), and then started working through the implications. Let's just say I was too stupid to realize that I should be afraid of failing, much less succeeding. So, why am I bringing this up today? Well, today, I started realizing just how close I am to being finished, so now I am starting to feel that fear of success.

Rolling this back, I spent most of the day today at BBQ's and picnics, talking to friends and family. In each case, at some point, someone would inevitably ask "how's the bus". I found myself saying "good.. good", but thinking... "man, I am almost done". So, why didn't I say that? Well, the number of people that know about this project has grown considerably. The folks in the neighborhood are talking about "a parade" when I get it running. That's kinda scary on a few levels, but most personally, that is a degree of expectation that I hadn't realized. There are literally hundreds of people watching and waiting on this project. So, the stakes are a little bit higher than I thought.

So, to answer the root question of "where am I at": the major electrical work is done. I have to set a few grounds, and I'm ready to test the electrical system with the computer installed. I still have to wire-up the LED's, and figure out a coolant temperature gauge for the dash. Otherwise, it's just filling fluids and testing it out; so I'm basically a few hours work from a test start.

Enter the fear of success.

What will success look like? Selling off my daily driver? Camping trips and drive-in movies? Will this really have a tangible impact beyond getting a chunk of spare time back? Crazy. It is hard to believe the journey is so close to an end, yet, depending on the perspective, the journey is about to begin.

Have a happy Summer, enjoy your opportunities and, today, have a happy Independence Day-