Don't Should on Yourself

Some folks welcome the new calendar year with a resolution to try something different. I can respect that, though it often comes in the form of huge crowds of new folks at the gym for the month of January (about the time the resolution wears off), and that's kind of annoying. Today's post offers an alternative.

So.. What Now?
Early fall 2018 was not a good one for Boo and me. I honestly have a real problem with the month of October because it seems like any system that is barely hanging on fails in October. So, I spend my weekends fixing things in an emergency way rather than at my leisure. We had a few of those around the house, but we had a progressively unsettling health situation arise, and that forced us to make some prioritization decisions. These were not made all at once, rather we make them every day, as things come up. So often, we would find ourselves saying things like "I should (enter possible work item here)".

Not Should, Try Could
Just that simple phrase, "I should" carries so much weight. We feel immediate remorse and maybe even guilt, then, for NOT doing what we just said. For example, it's raining sideways, and you're fighting off a cold when you look out the window and notice there are leaves covering the back lawn. In your mind, you can hear the words... "I should rake those leaves today". Why "should"? Where did that imperative come from where now suddenly a Saturday morning that had started so nicely with a hot coffee and breakfast with your significant other has become one where you are compelled to do a particular task?

Don't Should on Yourself
Strike that. Boo and I have taken to catching each other when we say that and gently respond to the one caught "don't should on yourself". In other words, don't put an obligation on your time and energy like that. No one is making you do that except yourself. So, instead, change should to could, and see if it fits with how you're feeling that day. In the example above, when its raining like mad, I rephrase... "I could rake those leaves today". Suddenly, it feels like optimism. It feels like I could do anything today, even rake those leaves. I could sit and watch football all day. I could clown around with a speaker-box project or I could sit and play cribbage with my wife. I realize that this may read silly, but the psychology totally works. I feel less like I am a captive to repairing a house, or a fleet of cars and more self-directed. The same work gets done, but without the resentment, and with renewed a level of joy I used to feel from the simple maintenance on my first house.

So, if you are looking for a New Years resolution, I suggest taking on our little phrase: Don't Should on Yourself, and change that "should" to a "could". Give yourself the out. Give yourself the choice, and feel empowered by simply giving yourself those little gifts.

Yes, this was a weird post for today. It has been a strange Fall, with very little time spent doing anything car-related, but with lots of time loving my wife. So, there won't be much in terms of car content coming for a bit. In the meantime, I wish you all a happy, healthy and self-directed new year.